Motherhood is by far the hardest thing that I have ever done and continue doing every day. It is 1 million times harder than being a doctor and requires such a delicate dance of unconditional love, consistency, and compromise. At the same time, there is no doubt that being a physician is one of the hardest professions out there.
Hence, how does one strike a balance between two such demanding aspects of being a mom and a physician? To be honest with you, I don’t know if anybody ever achieves true balance between these two areas, however, I do know that each of us must authentically show up as humans first and heal our own wounds before tending to our children.
There is nothing like motherhood that brings us face-to-face with our own insecurities and doubts. There is nothing like a toddler who is going through a sleep regression that brings to light all of our inner cognitive dissonance.
I think the most that we can hope for is to show up as the best versions of the moms that we can be.
Motherhood is by far the hardest thing that I have ever done... It is 1 million times harder than being a doctor and requires such a delicate dance of unconditional love, consistency, and compromise. At the same time, there is no doubt that being a physician is one of the hardest professions out there." - Dr Preyasha Tuladhar MD
One thing that has been integral in supporting me has been a village of people that are helping me raise my son. There is nothing like having an army of people that love and support your child in the same way that you do.
I truly admire women who are single mothers or two parent households that have no external help, these parents truly deserve so much appreciation and empathy.
Children are full of wonder and are also great at making us question every day if what we are doing is the right thing. I think it is valid to question whether we are spending enough quality time with our children, but a significantly more important question we forget to ask ourselves is that, are we in a place emotionally and psychologically to provide a safe space for children and our patients?
Similarly, being human, we all go through different seasons of wintering, blooming and shedding... So either we are winning, or we are learning." - Dr Preyasha Tuladhar MD
Parenthood is a marathon and no matter how rosy it looks on Instagram, parents in this generation are struggling with higher demands of work and trying to give their children a safe upbringing while protecting them from growing up too fast.
Parenthood is hard because it demands the very best of us no matter the lack of sleep or rest in a similar way that medicine has a history of doing. It is only when we take care of our inner child first and foremost, address her needs, and desires and wants, and sometimes even give in to her whims, that it truly allows us to become the type of parents and physicians we want to be.
Nevertheless, how do we balance being human with the demands of being a parent as well as being a physician?
Much like walking on a sky high tight rope sky high, I don’t know, but it looks like it requires a whole lot of finesse and patience.
All I know is that, the days that feel better involve a lot of laughter, a few tears, and a messy house. The days that feel worse are book ended by the fact that after each night the sun shines again.
For me personally, being a present and loving mom means to take care of my own needs first before tending to my child. Although this may sound selfish, it is probably the most selfless thing we can do for our children.
As moms, we sometimes forget that our children are more emotionally intuitive than most adults. They were grown in our bodies and they know us sometimes better than we know ourselves.
When we are not OK, they can sense that in us and they can internalize this affecting them adversely. I have seen this happen with so many parents that I take care of where mothers are martyrs, but the children always suffer for this even when we think they are not.
So, what can we do as female physicians to work towards this elusive balance? My advice:
I don’t know if there’s really a way to always have balance in all aspects of your life, but I think if we can face each day with an open heart and with love for ourselves first, then our children, loved ones, our patients, perhaps we can all heal and grow together.
On another note, when we look at the leaves of a tree, we admire it in all of its glory. We appreciate the springtime when the flowers bloom, and then we appreciate the fall when the leaves drift away. We appreciate the barren tree and how beautiful it looks in the snow and then again the first bloom of spring.
Motherhood has been like a metamorphosis for me. Some periods of this change were painful, but over time, it has made me appreciate myself, my body’s resilience, and my capacity to grow and develop in ways that I had never imagined.
Similarly, being human, we all go through different seasons of wintering, blooming and shedding. If we can find peace in each of these seasons and accept the discomfort as an invitation to our spiritual growth to our next level of being, it allows us to appreciate the contrast in our lives while learning to be better humans.
So either we are winning, or we are learning.
However, the more we resist our life circumstances, the harder it is. And even if we feel like we have nothing in common with the next person, being human is something that connects all of us and it is a contrasting experience, regardless of how social media imposes toxic positivity and presents a skewed idea of what life is really like.
In summary, parenthood, like medicine, is a gift that keeps on giving. Sometimes these gifts are sweet and other times they are hard lessons to learn. Frankly, I don’t really know if any of us know what we are doing as parents, but I do know that most of us want our kids to thrive and be happy.
I also know that most physicians once loved their jobs or the idea of it. Most of us went into medicine for the love of patients and for the idea of doing something greater than ourselves.
Sometimes, some of us may have lost our way, but fundamentally if we wait long enough, we always find our way home even if it’s not where we thought it would be. Being a doctor mom is the hardest thing I have ever had to do, but being a mom makes me a better physician and being a physician makes me a better mom.
Every day, I am learning how to be a better mom, a better doctor, and most importantly, a kinder, gentler, more patient and more gracious human being.
